An article title in my medical email box caught my eye today. It read “Mental illness the ‘inevitable’ next pandemic? “and it resonated with me so deeply.  Does it resonate with you? Why?  Maybe you deal with mental illness in yourself, your family member, your friend, your spouse, your child.  It is an area that is often taboo to speak of…yet it touches us all.

From someone who deals with anxiety, it is NOT easy to manage the onslaught of emotions this time has brought.  I am a type 1 enneagram stuck in a house full of 7s and another 1.  I am refueled by having ALONE time and I am NEVER alone – I don’t even know what alone feels like.  My husband literally keeps asking me what I’m thinking or doing every second of the day because he just needs communication.  Then he will dive into deep thinking, asking what my thoughts are on the next 5 years of my life (He’s a dreamer).  I literally am thinking about 15 different things per second…. My web browser has so many popups, its popups have popups with diagrams.  I laugh out loud writing this because I know so many can relate.  We love our spouse because they are our opposite but in quarantine the opposite who we love is driving us NUTS.  Then there’s the kids.  Kids are everywhere.  I can’t shower, go to the bathroom, breathe without being touched…. little gross sticky hands.  They haven’t left the house in weeks beside going for a drive in the van…they don’t get it.  One loves distance learning the other is getting bored with it and told me the teacher doesn’t do enough arts and crafts…lol literally me.  I’m growing a garden….and gardening….and gardening…. then laminating…then pinteresting to laminate some more…. something, anything to keep my mind occupied on something besides the mounting anxiety that is building inside of me.

I have mentioned before that since Hattie’s pregnancy and birth –the level of my anxiety that had only initially emerged in small spurts during stressful times in the past has become a daily battle.  Mental health will be the next wave that impacts us all.  People who struggle with feeling isolated are literally being forced into isolation.  People who have addictions are now being forced onto social media platforms where they could potentially be triggered.  We all are grieving the “loss of normalcy” for our day to day lives including loss of our weddings, family trips, graduations, births of children/grandchildren/nieces and nephews – not to mention loss of loved ones.  We are all separated.  Walking in the grocery store I spoke to ONE person – my goal was to get in, get out and get close to NO ONE.  How can this be entuned with any part of human nature.  We are built with a need for community.  Community and connections are what gets us through our daily walk.   It may be who keeps us accountable to our addictions and it for the safety of all is currently furloughed.  So, with all of this shifting and change, how are you managing mentally?

My enneagram 1 (The Reformer) self is in overdrive. I’m imposing rules on rules and schedules upon schedules. If you have never heard of enneagram types – Type 1 the Reformer is explained as Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic.  And we DON’T like change or to have to “be flexible.”  Which is hilarious because I’m married to a type 7 (The Enthusiast) The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered.  When we are a healthy team, we work and complement each other greatly.  He inspires me, I keep in steady but under stress we tend to energize the negatives in one another.  It is an ACTIVE job right now to tap into each other and prioritize REAL communication/relationship. 

I’m up all night working or up all night thinking about what homeschool craft I can do this week.  I haven’t worked out in 3 weeks – not because I don’t want to but because literally is 24-7 all hands-on deck with our kids.  I have a crazy 2-year-old who is all about being in and on everything.  Hattie doesn’t understand why her daddy is home but not fully paying attention to her. Hattie is also A LOT. She is fully reliant on James and me to do everything for her, all day without breaks (since she conveniently is refusing naps).  My body is physically sore from being her person 24-7.  I consistently argue with myself about whether I am doing ALL the right things for everyone…am I missing some opportunity for Hattie…am I spreading all my attention equally between all 4 kids and my husband.  I literally one day had to stop and ask if I had actually spoken words to Ryder instead of just yelling at him all day.  And this is just my daily mom life struggle.  I can’t imagine those who deal with addictions and true depression.  This is weird and this is hard.  Feeling sadness is ok but when is sadness too much, when do we recognize that the sadness is consuming us, and we need to find help.

One warning sign for me that my anxiety has become in control of me rather than me controlling it is my sleep patterns.  Yes, I work nights and Yes, I often use that as an excuse, but you know it if you’ve lived it.  You sit at night in your bed, feeling panicked at the time on the clock.  12am…. then 1am…oh gosh why am I not asleep, the kids are going to be up at 6:00am how will I function…crap now its 2am….3am…. the feeling in your chest when you know you need to sleep but can’t.  It’s maddening.  You’re tired all the time, but sleep won’t come.  When I get in this pattern, I know a check is needed.  I have my people and I have to check in.  My husband knows when my sleep gets crazy, I get a little crazy.  He is never harsh though which is so important but genuinely checks on me.  Let’s me know He understands but doesn’t correct me.  Doesn’t try to “fix” me by offering suggestions – He acknowledges the anxiety is there and its ok and that he’s with me.  For me that works, but not for everyone and that is ok.  Find your program, Prescribed medications, holistic therapies, counseling, community online groups – Get a plan, know your plan and acknowledge when you need it.

Mental health is important.

Let me say that again…Mental health is important. 

It impacts our whole body.  It is the center of our body’s communication to itself.  When in a negative place, it lowers our immunity, releases stress endorphins and can physically cause use to “Feel sick.”  Self-care and acknowledging when our mental health is subpar is SUPER important and in this time of isolation IS A PRIORITY. We need to make ourselves available for one another and even more entuned to one another.

>Example:  Today James was just on edge – instead of being negative about it or harsh about it (I do the harsh thing REAL well before coffee), I asked him how I could help him feel better because I know how challenging this time is for him.  In the morning, it was him getting to shower and have his morning routine.  In the afternoon it was me allowing him to “take me to lunch” on a van date with our kids and then doing yardwork uninterrupted in the afternoon.  Seems trivial but was crucial.

For Isla – It’s doing artwork, dancing and watching a movie on the couch.

For Laken – It’s expending energy, doing some physical activity and exploring.

For Hattie – It’s eating what she wants (Including sweets sometimes), being held by dad and holding a backpack.

For Ryder – It’s snuggling, letting him sit on me, reading him a book, putting him to bed and rubbing his head….and eating ANYTHING.

Know your people.  Don’t be trapped in your own head so much that you create a tidal wave around you that you can’t see.  Take care of your mind.  Learn your warning signals.  Establish healthy boundaries.  Restrict yourself from certain negative things if it’s a trigger.  Love your people – We will all get through this TOGETHER. (but also, 6ft apart)

Peace,

Kaet