I recently attended a conference called Passion this past week with a tour bus full of amazing high school seniors and collegians. For the first year, James and I were able to attend together and do ministry together. I believe God has placed as a true calling on our lives and always has kept a passion for youth ministry in both our hearts. As I sat in the Mercedes dome in Atlanta with 65,000 collegians praising Jesus and seeking to know Him more, I was overwhelmed. The opportunities that this current generation has in front of them and at their disposal is astounding. So as we enter into this new decade, I thought I might reflect on how the previous decade paved my current foundation.
From 2010 to 2020:
Marriage. I left my 20s behind and entered into my 30s. I went from newlywed to celebrating 10 years of marriage. James and I challenged one another and loved each other even more deeply. We discovered that counseling is important in developing communication skills. We discovered that when life puts us to the fire, it exposes the weakest spots clearer than ever and its ok to seek help. Knowing each other more only makes us stronger. We were recently asked what our best advice would be to a newlyweds – we replied to communicate directly and “Anything said between the hours of 1-7am are off the record.” yep. For us conversations between those hours are not allowed to be used in later arguments or make us arguing. They are words that vanish from the page. But with that said acknowledging wrong is still a priority.
Another piece of advice was to not “worry about the other persons desires SO much that you both lose sight of yourself and your own desires”. James and I are selfless people but often we missed the mark with one another when we are so worried about making the other person happy and forgot about ourselves. Here I am doing what “I THINK” James wants, and then here’s James doing what “HE THINKS” I want and before we know it, we have missed one another entirely. We are so interested in supporting one another that we create unneeded conflict by not being direct with each other. That concept only took us 10 years to figure out so lastly Grace upon Grace also helps in your marriage.
Family. I had 5 pregnancies and 4 beautiful children. Yes 5 pregnancies. I miscarried in-between our first and second child. I suffered what 1 in 4 women go through EVERY day. It’s still nothing that the struggle of infertility can even compare to, but it was loss. There was anger and grief. There were words to the Lord. There was brokenness that I never thought I could ever feel. How could I be so upset about something that was never really mine, That I never actually saw or held. Laken once told me that she had another sibling in heaven (I never have told her that I lost a baby) and I believe that. I became a special needs parent. That alone brings so much. We were and are still navigating the journey that has been set before us. I am a creature who likes control….No more control. I was a creature that prayed everyday “God just please give me healthy/normally developing children”. God responded with a greater gift than I could have EVER known. I feared special needs children – it was hard, it was different. I grieved the loss of normalcy and then took on the new life of uniqueness. I embraced the truth that “yes my child has special needs – let me tell you about it”. I went from avoiding the conversation to seeking out conversation. God made my fear….my passion.
Jobs. My husband began working at Crosspoint as a ministry head in Recreation in 2011 and continues to do this PLUS now does 7/8th grade ministry. I’ll let him tell you how he never envisioned himself working for a church at another time, but I had a sneaking suspicion this would be a calling on his life. I went to PA School, struggled through PA school, living apart from James for 1 year and then graduated from PA school. I began working in the ER in 2012. When leaving PA school, I was asked what I wanted to go into…Clearly, I remember saying out loud “I’m not sure but I know not Emergency Medicine.” Boom – Lord said NOPE. I believe now it was because out of all the rotations I did in school it was the one that pushed me out of my comfort zone the most. Fear (tends to be one of my worst motivators) said NO WAY but God said MY WAY. I have worked and met some of the most amazing people in choosing that path. I have fought with myself – I have pushed myself – I cried, and I laughed – I lost sleep and I definitely have learned some wicked coping mechanisms, but I wouldn’t change it in anyway.
Faith. James lived life with an amazing group of young men – He formed bonds and we both have loved to watch them mature and grow. The seeds he hoped to plant and cultivate slowly spurted plants and now are beginning to form trees and fruit. It’s a joy in my life to watch these relationships that He values and loves so deeply continue through their adult lives. We recently attended one of their weddings and watched as one of them set roots and foundations for his own family tree. It solidifies the importance of speaking life and more importantly LIVING life with this next generation so that they may know HIS life and how that is, ALL that matters. I ministered to an amazing group of young women (some of who I was able to spend time with this week at Passion which makes my heart so happy). I was able to stumble through my own doubts, my own life to somehow speak life into theirs. I love them and what they probably don’t realize is that THEY give me more life and Joy than I could ever have the capacity of giving.
Community. We moved 11 times……yes 11 times and no we aren’t military…. We built 3 houses and discovered that we REALLY love building houses. I don’t know if it’s because we absolutely LOVE our builders and their families in so many ways or we REALLY love design but we loved every part of the process. We weren’t sure about our community for a long time – We did the classic 20s search for what and where we belonged, but it continually called to us and always made itself known. It wasn’t until we struggled, and I mean STRUGGLED after Hattie’s birth and first years of life and my difficult pregnancy with Ryder that we had to finally ask for help. God broke us and at the same time built us. He showed us what the hands and feet of Jesus were and HOW IMPORTANT it is to be linked into a church body. I don’t care if you like big, small, traditional, contemporary, acapella, Baptist, Methodist, episcopal, Lutheran, catholic – BELONG SOMEWHERE. Online church is a great temporary or transitional method of attending services but it leaves you alone. It only feeds the world through a screen– phone, tablet, Television – I encourage you to seek community like we are. Not only church community but people. People that will be your people through thick and thin. I’m an introvert, I get energy from being alone….so you can imagine this TERRIFIES me but after this decade I have learned and seen the importance of this and it has become a new vision for our next decade.
As it was spoken about so much in Passion – Your choices in your 20s will dictate your life in your 30s. I find this so true. I was CLUELESS before my 20s but my 20s brought about moments that forever would shape my life. My 20s brought me some new identities – Mother, Wife, PA, Special Needs Parent and Renewed identities – Sister, Friend, Daughter
But of all these identities Christ Follower is the one that will continue to feed into my next decade. Thank you Jesus Thank you.
Blessings,
Kaet